Past Tense
by Fangirl-Of-Awesome
Summary: What if Jade wasn't able to accept that Beck tried to kiss Tori ? What could she do ? She had no one else but herself. I know. I suck at summaries but it is my first story to publish. Hope you like it : R&R please :


**JADE'S POV**

I lock my bedroom door and I start to cry. I have never hated Beck so much and NEVER has Vega convinced me that she's really not into Beck. HE made the first move ! SHE stopped it. I don't even know what to think anymore ! Does this mean he's finally over me ? I can't believe this. Those 3 years just went down a drain just because of a stupid little argument which grew into huge a fight. I feel so stupid for over reacting. This is actually my fault. I would never admit it but it's true. I was so overly protective that I forgot all those times Beck was the only one who broke my shell and saw me for who I really was. I forgot how thankful I was for Beck. I forgot how much I loved him and how much he loved me. But not anymore. He likes Tori now. He's completely over me. I know everyone's thinking that I'm probably over him as well. The problem is…I'm not and probably never will be over him. He was my first and last. I know that I'm never going to love anyone again and nobody is ever going to love me the way Beck did. No one can ever give me that feeling that only Beck could give. The feeling of actually being important and being loved. He loved me. _Loved._ Past tense.

My emotions are starting to take over. I feel like I'm in a daze. I'm not myself. I look around and realize what I'm feeling. I'm feeling hurt, betrayed, and alone. I have no one else in my life. My dad doesn't support me, my stepmom knows nothing about me, the others just won't understand. I only have myself but I can't even trust myself. I lean on my bed and cry. I stare at the floor and open my drawer where the contents are my sharpest and most favorite pair of scissors. I hear the snip next to my ear. Somehow, it calms me down. I just listen to its beautiful sound when suddenly, it slowly goes to my wrist. I slice it over and over again until I can't feel anything anymore. After 5 minutes of cutting myself, I let the scissors drop to my side. The blood is dripping from my arm. I realized I wrote something. I wrote the word 'HATED'. I have no idea why. Maybe because I am 'HATED' by the world. Maybe because I'm 'HATED' by the entire school. Maybe because I am 'HATED' by myself. I hate myself and I suck. I AM HATED. I'm a stupid little girl with an unreachable dream and the world treats me like crap because I'm a bitch and I deserve it. I deserve every second of this excruciating pain but I can't stand it anymore. I just can't stand my life anymore. All these fucking problems…I've had enough of them. I take my scissors and slice my wrist one more time. I make sure that I die slowly. All the blood I need to lose will slowly exit my body in a very painful way. I'm going to torture myself to death. I start to shake and the scissors drop to the floor with a thud and the blood splatters on the floor. I end up staring at the ceiling, my breathing not the same.

Someone opens the door and his voice will be the last voice I'll ever hear. He's shouting my name. Holding me in his arms, telling me to stay with him. He's telling me that he'll bring me to the hospital but I tell him shut up and he looks at me worried and confused. I hold his hand with my non-bloody one and smile. He looks at our intertwined hands and looks into my eyes. Those beautiful coffee brown eyes that used to meant the world to me. They still mean the world to me. I'm glad the last thing my eyes will see is his face. The face of the one I love. I smile and squeeze his hand tighter as I feel the pain in my wrist again. The excruciating but wonderful pain.

**Beck's POV**

"What did you do to yourself ?!" Her lips are slowly turning pale behind all the rose red lipstick. Her eyes are slowly losing the blue green color I love.

"I wanted to kill myself."

"What ?! Why ?!"

"Why are you here ?"

"I…wanted to give this back to you." I put her favorite lipgloss that she lost while we were at Tori's house the day we…broke up. Seeing her now, I regret that day. I'm wishing that day never happened.

"Thank you."

"Why were you killing yourself ?"

"I wanted to die. Isn't obvious ?" she can still show her signature hint of sarcasm even though she's inches away from death. I need to get her to the hospital. I try to pick her up but she stops me.

"I don't want to die in a hospital bed. I want to die on this floor…in your arms."

"You're not going to die."

"I am going to die. Right here in a few minutes. I want to die in your arms." Her breathing is starting to slow down and I can barely see her chest moving anymore.

"Why would you want to die ?" I can feel the tears coming. My voice starts to shake and hers sound like a whisper. A whisper of an angel. An angel named Jade.

"Because…I love—you." the last word barely audible. She squeezes my hand so tight then I feel her loosen her grip. I try to wake her up. I shout and scream but her eyes won't open. I start shaking her slowly but no results. She can't be dead. She can't die like this. She deserves better than this. I feel so guilty. This is my fault. If only I opened that damn door ! We could've been at my RV, watching her favorite movie and none of this would've happened. I would've been with her and she wouldn't do this. And what's worse ? I tried to kiss Tori not moments ago. I fucking hate myself. Because of my stupidity, I lost the girl I truly loved. _Loved. _Past tense. No. I lost the girl I truly love. I'll love her until I die. She may be gone now but she will never leave my heart. She will be my one and only love. My one and only love is gone forever. I can't bring her back. I hug her lifeless body and the blood from her wrist goes on my shirt. I don't care. I cry into her hair and say something I haven't said in a long time.

"I love you, too."

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